Checkerboard Cookies for Christmaspalooza

CHOCOLATE CHERRY CHECKERBOARD COOKIES!

Hi folks. I wanted to launch Christmaspalooza awhile back but with everything that has been going on I just never got around to it. I shall have to squeeze as much as possible into the last couple of weeks before Christmas. Have lots of fun things to share with you. The first is the picture to celebrate my first annual CHRISTMASPALOOZA!

Yah I know the picture has nothing to do with food but it's just such a hilarious picture I couldn't help myself. That is Spark, our middle kitty. He's the bad one. He is the Son of Satan I swear. Tries to trip people on stairs, tackles any other animal in the house and sits on them with his massive body crushing them until they surrender. All that changed when we got little Malia. She is now the Demon Spawn and Spark runs in fear. Well, not really, he's kind of too big to run anywhere. Let's say he waddles to safety. Slowly. So this is the official kickoff folks. Hopefully I can give you at least half a dozen Christmas posts. Or more. See how it goes. One never knows around here. I swear living in the Bee household is like being in a soap opera. It is never dull.

So before I give you the cookies I have something else to show you. With a little story as always. I mean if you just wanted food you could go to Kraft Kitchens or The Food Network or a zillion other places. You read blogs because you like that connection with an actual person with actual stories to tell. And man I got alot of them. I do not however have good grammar. But I iz ok with dat, dersn't buther me in ze lest. Okay so today's story begins with, hm, wait a minute. Let's do a picture story. That would be fun. Ready? O'tay!

Once upon a time there was a fair lady named Lunie. She had a pair of boots she loved and wore as slippers. She really wanted Uggs but bought these cheap boots from Avon instead as they were merely $25. She wore them everywhere.

She wore them so much and for so long that the soles fell off them. She didn't care and continued to wear them anyway much to the embarrassment of all her loved ones.

Even the evil Demon Spawn of Satan was put off by her boots. Demon Spawn  took one look and one whiff and was not impressed.  

She walked away shaking her head and wondering how anyone could wear such sad looking boots. They even have hay from the barn stuck to the bottom. No wonder her family was so embarrassed.

Demon Spawn came back and begged the fair lady to get boots that don't smell like horse's ass.

Her disappointment was evident when she turned away and could not look at the fair lady any more.

Demon Spawn pleaded and begged and took a firm stance.

Demon Spawn reaches her breaking point and walks off in a huff.

Vowing never to return until the fair lady had boots that did not embarrass and humiliate her entire family. And that did not smell like ass.

So the fair lady musters up the courage to go out into the village in search of cheap slippers. She lucked out and found these ruby slippers for a mere $14.

Demon Spawn returns when she hears the rustling of a shopping bag in hopes of scoring a Timbit.

The look of delight and relief is amazing. Demon Spawn sees the fair lady's new ruby slippers and cannot contain her excitement.

She runs over as fair lady shows off her new cheap ruby slippers.

They even have pretty pom poms on them, she is so happy.

Demon Spawn inspects them to make sure she approves and the new ruby slippers do not smell like ass.

She chomps down on them just to be sure.

She also discovers the red pom poms. She is delighted.

Then the realization that the fair lady will never get another moments peace to get anything done sets in.

The fair lady keeps her receipt in case she decides to return the Ruby Slippers.

The moral of this story....if you work for Uggs please take pity on me and send me some pretty boots. If you work for the cheap ass boot company, stop making them with pom poms so people with demon puppies can get their work done.


The end!


And now onto our regularly scheduled cookie post.

Chocolate Cherry Checkerboard Cookies:

Recipe from Paula Deen's Holiday Baking Magazine 2010

Ingredients:

3/4 cup butter, softened
1 1/4 cups confectioners sugar
1 large egg
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour, divided
1/4 cup chopped and drained maraschino cherries
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 egg white, lightly beaten

Directions:

Step 1- Beat butter, sugar and egg in a large bowl at medium speed until creamy.

Gradually beat in 2 cups of flour.

Place 1 cup of dough in a separate bowl and set aside. This will be for your chocolate portion.

In the other bowl stir in maraschino cherries and the remaining 1/4 cup flour and mix. This is now your cherry portion.

Divide your cherry portion in half.



Wrap each piece with plastic wrap. Set in fridge for an hour.

Step 2- Now add your cocoa powder to the remaining dough and blend well. This is now your chocolate portion.

Divide chocolate portion in half.

Roll each half into a 6 by 3 inch rectangle.

Wrap each piece with plastic wrap and set in fridge for an hour.

Step 3- Unwrap the dough.

Brush the top of each chocolate portion with egg white. Lay the cherry portion on top of the chocolate portion.

Wrap these back up with plastic and set in fridge for an hour.

Step 4- Unwrap each stack.

Cut each stack in half lengthwise to make 2 (6 by 1 1/2 inch) strips.

Brush the top of 1 strip with egg white, then lay the next stack on top making sure to alternate the colour.

Wrap them up in plastic again and set in freezer for 30 minutes.

Repeat this with the remaining stack.

Step 5- Unwrap each stack.

Cut each stack into 3 (6 by 1/2 inch) strips.

Turn strips on their sides and brush with egg white.

Now stack strips alternating colours.

Wrap them up in plastic again and freeze for 30 minutes.

Repeat this with the remaining stack.

Step 6- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Line baking sheets with parchment.

Step 7- Using a sharp knife carefully cut stacks into 1/4 inch slices.

Place these on baking sheets on parchment.

Pop the sheets in the oven for 10 to 12 minutes. Edges should be lightly browned.

Let cool on pan for about 2 minutes.

Remove from pans and cool completely on wire racks.

Serve with a smile or in a nice Christmas tin as gifts.

Now these are the cookies I deemed unworthy for the Great Food Bloggers Cookie Swap. I just didn't like the way they turned out. Not taste wise as they were bang on for taste. I just didn't like the look of them. They did not line up quite right. So I axed them from the swap and we just ate them all up ourselves. Yup that is how we roll here at the Bee household. Super yummy cookies.

This pic above is the unedited version. I am getting better with the camera. Now if I could just keep the dang kitties out of my studio I'd be all set. The little hooligans leave stray hair everywhere. I had to axe some pics when I shockingly discovered a possible cat hair, we will from here on refer to as fuzz to save me huge embarrassment, in the shot while editing. I had no idea I could remove such things in editing until the lovely Ann from Cooking Healthy For Me offered to fix it for me. Her fixed pic is the first one at the very top. I had no clue I could do that. So the moral of this story is I may not be able to serve my guests cookies with possible pet hair in them but you my lovely public will never know which photos had them in there from here on out. Scary thought right. Aren't ya glad you didn't get these cookies in the mail now? *Laughs uncontrollably!* Only a lunatic would offer up this information to her fans. Yup, a real cl*ass* act if I do say so myself.

Toodles and smoochies.xx